I Was Raised to Be a Clone

I was raised to be a clone

with no sense of self,

like an appendage,

controlled by another.

Anything that didn’t measure up

to their beliefs, ways, or thoughts

was quickly smashed,

along with me.

I was never free

to become

uniquely

me,

in

their

presence.

And now,

I still have memories

of the pain of being

different and not

measuring up,

of needing

to be

exactly

the

same.

I’ve tried to blend in,

chameleon-like,

but that is death to me.

My sense of self

comes creeping up,

like a shadow coming alive,

but then, I become afraid

and try to stomp it out,

just like what

was done

to me.

I don’t want to be a murderer,

but I am so afraid,

that if I am so different,

I will be rejected,

again and again,

as I have been,

from time immemorial.

I’m continually told,

I should be different,

fit this mold,

or else,

I will not love you,

I will not be with you,

I will not talk to you,

I will not hug you.

Apparently,

the choice

to be

me

is

very,

very,

very

lonely.

Precious Linda, c. 2013

Safe Am I

Cloaked and hidden,

enshrouded with fears,

tears locked up,

unknown for years

Body shaking,

beginning to cry,

tears overflowing,

not knowing why

Memories surface,

exposing deep pain,

beginning to feel,

sorrows and shame

Feel the feelings

let them flow,

freely like waves,

then, let them go

Freed, once again

to smile, until

a trigger erupts

another minefield

Will this pain

ever come to an end,

or, will it repeat

again and again?

Knowing I have been

through this before,

I know how to ride

the waves once more.

Courageously, I face the pain,

wave upon wave rolls by,

old, buried feelings pass

once again. Safe am I.

Precious Linda, c. 2013