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Monday, April 22, 2013

I Was Raised to Be a Clone


I was raised to be a clone
with no sense of self,
like an appendage,
controlled by another.

Anything that didn’t measure up
to their beliefs, ways, or thoughts
was quickly smashed,
along with me.

I was never free
to become
uniquely
me,
in
their
presence.

And now,

I still have memories
of the pain of being
different and not
measuring up,
of needing
to be
exactly
the
same.

I’ve tried to blend in,
chameleon-like,
but that is death to me.

My sense of self
comes creeping up,
like a shadow coming alive,
but then, I become afraid
and try to stomp it out,
just like what
was done
to me.

I don’t want to be a murderer,
but I am so afraid,
that if I am so different,
I will be rejected,
again and again,
as I have been,
from time immemorial.

I’m continually told,
I should be different,
fit this mold,
or else,
I will not love you,
I will not be with you,
I will not talk to you,
I will not hug you.

Apparently,
the choice
to be
me
is
very,
very,
very
lonely.

Precious Linda, c. 2013

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